Released- 20th November 2000
Napster dies. Or goes legit depending on what you used it for. Pearl Jam release 25 albums on the same day, official bootlegs of their tour. And Rage Against the Machine split up, possibly because of their complicity in Nu-metal.
I start in sixth form, doing my A levels. Because I go to a grammar school, I wear a suit every day, which sounds Badass but I actually looked more nebbish. I do have an amazing 50p suit I found in a charity shop though, which is too big for me, and makes me look like David Byrne in Stop Making Sense.
If I had to save one track from this album, and the rest were to be Burned Down in the House, that track would be… Kernkraft 400. I like zombies. I like synths.
Track by Track Breakdown
Robbie Williams – “Rock DJ”
Hilariously bad rapping over a ridiculously catchy song. It knows what it is, and as a result remains annoyingly enjoyable to this day.
Modjo – “Lady (Hear Me Tonight)”
Pretty basic, but definitely danceable disco house. It’s a formula that doesn’t get tired!
Ronan Keating – “Life Is a Rollercoaster”
Trire Hallmark card sentiment over an admittedly catchy tune.
Texas – “In Demand”
Yawnsome. Not even worth the effort of the 12 words I’ve typed.
Bon Jovi – “It’s My Life”
Sorry Jon and Richie, but after 1995 you’re dead to me, in order that my love for your pop hair metal stays strong.
U2 – “Beautiful Day”
Again… should have hung up your stupid shades some time in the 90s. Probably the point at which any decent human should have stopped.
David Gray – “Babylon”
Hated it at the time. But really, it’s very nice in its warm, Van Morrison way. Not world changing, but likeable. Frankly, following that U2 song, a sackful of kittens being killed with hammers would sound listenable.
All Saints – “Pure Shores”
Lovely, mellow pop. Love the delayed synth sound, which wouldn’t sound out of place on a Brian Eno record.
Spice Girls – “Holler”
They’re over. Four piece Spice Girls aren’t the Spice Girls. And as a result, this is basically a Mel B solo single that the others have turned up for.
Architechs featuring Nana – “Body Groove”
Sometimes I can’t explain why stuff works, but it does so trust me on this yeah?
Craig David – “7 Days”
Oh Craig David you smooth bastard. I want to hate this, but I can’t help but love it. Also, bless the difference time has wrought. He wants a six digit number from her. He’s going to call her on her landline, and it’s in the same dialling code! Endearing. Cute, in a way swiping right couldn’t be!
Samantha Mumba – “Body II Body”
Mother always said, to get things done, you better not fuck with David Bowie. Can’t hate any situation where I hear Ashes to Ashes, but this does not make the most of its sample.
Britney Spears – “Lucky”
A warning of the cray cray to come? A nice attempt to try and put the 60s sad girl band song into a early 2000s pop mould. Not an unmitigated success, but not bad.
LeAnn Rimes – “Can’t Fight the Moonlight”
Never seen the film this is from. If anyone wants to let me know if it makes this song listenable, please let me know.
S Club 7 – “Natural”
See, they do something great like Reach, and then this is like 3 steps back. Honestly… it’s like they’re trying to upset me.
NSYNC – “It’s Gonna Be Me”
Starting to get a little more edge. Still pretty average, but knowing what’s coming you can see that there is at least some development!
Anastacia – “I’m Outta Love”
Big soul, ruined by turn of the Millennium production. A good song lies underneath, with a great vocalist, but they’ve tried to hide it very well.
Tom Jones and Heather Small – “You Need Love Like I Do”
Okay, that is an immense vocal pairing. Such a good match, like peanut butter and marmite. I’m imagining the two of them shouting into my face. His breath smells like patriotism and leeks, hers like she’s been huffing hairspray.
Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue – “Kids”
I remember being asked by a pretty girl to do this at a karaoke night at The Granville, a fine and now defunct pub which never asked us for ID. So while the song itself is kind of meh, I have a fond memory of it. And of my friend Fester being thrown out for dancing on the tables to Don’t Stop Me Now.
Coldplay – “Trouble”
I remember some wit saying that Coldplay have two songs. I’m Sorry and Everything is Going to be Okay. This is a very good version of the former.
Martine McCutcheon – “I’m Over You”
Not quite so bad it’s good. More so bad you want to give it a sympathetic smile and a pat on the shoulder for trying.
Kylie Minogue – “On a Night Like This”
A bland trance pop song. It could honestly be any vocalist on this.
Steps – “Stomp”
If not for the prophecised return of Daft Punk, I’d say that this might have killed the disco resurgence around at the moment.
Vanessa Amorosi – “Absolutely Everybody”
Should be average dreck, but a moronically catchy chorus makes it quite enjoyable, if you’re willing to leave your brain at the door!
Billie Piper – “Walk of Life”
Tries to move from infectious teen pop to serious adult pop. But sadly, mistook adult for boring.
True Steppers and Dane Bowers featuring Victoria Beckham – “Out of Your Mind”
It lost to Groovejet in the race for number one, but I’d say this song has aged a lot better. A few wubs and it would probably be a hit today… whether that’s a good thing I’ll leave to your own tastes!
Melanie C – “I Turn to You”
I’ll say it again, she’s clearly the most talented Spice Girl. But she is, in the words of X Factor judges worldwide, let down by mediocre song choices.
Delerium featuring Sarah McLachlan – “Silence”
Dark and moody, but equally tedious and overlong.
Sonique – “Sky”
Again, great singer, but the insistence on making everything a dance track doesn’t serve her as well as a bit of variety might. Her voice deserves better.
Zombie Nation – “Kernkraft 400”
There’s a slew of harder house songs coming over the next few years, with immense hooks. This is the first of the bunch. Again. Immense.
Storm – “Time to Burn”
God. Intros were long back then. Another great darker edged house track.
Darude – “Feel the Beat”
Feels like a throwback to 80s house, with a harder, early 2000s edge. Rather a pleasure!
Aurora – “Ordinary World”
What did Duran Duran do to deserve this? A cruel mangling of a good song!
SuReaL – “You Take My Breath Away”
Takes an age to kick in. But kind of joyful when it finally gets there! Big major key trance.
Madison Avenue – “Who the Hell Are You”
It’s like a carbon copy of the last single. Strong disco backing (again), sassy lyrics (again) complete lack of variety.
Azzido Da Bass – “Dooms Night”
As a friend of mine remarked, it sounds like a conversation between The Clangers after they hit puberty. Great, relentless song.
B Boyz – “Who Let the Dogs Out?”
In a sane world, nobody would ever have noticed even the existence of this musical equivalent of a lunatic painting with his own excrement. We do not live in that world. Still a staple in bad wedding DJ’s sets.
Nelly – “Country Grammar (Hot…)”
Combines the Dirty South hip hop sound with the chant from Big, the 80s film where a child becomes Tom Hanks after making a wish. How can anyone not like that!
Sisqó – “Unleash the Dragon”
Bland song. And I think that the Dragon is a euphemism for his winkie. Subtle as a nailbomb, mate.
Melanie B – “Tell Me”
The song is weak. But there is a noise that sounds like a cute 8-bit puppy in the breaks. Which redeems it more than it should.
Louise – “Beautiful Inside”
One- Louise’s career was a lot longer than I remembered. Two- This samples Shame on a Nigga by the Wu Tang Clan, which is possibly the most WTF moment I’ve had reviewing these albums. I was just waiting for Ol’ Dirty to shout, ‘I’ll fuck yo ass up!’ for the length of the song.
Gabrielle – “Should I Stay”
Pleasantly off beat synopated drums and beeps and blips add a little extra interest to an otherwise standard ballad.
22 out of 43. 52% of this did not annoy me.
This article is part of a series, chronicling a foolish attempt to chronicle the history of modern pop, through the Now That’s What I Call Music series. All the previous articles, and some other fun stuff, can be found here.